Ask GG - The advice column from someone who could've used a bit herself...

Hey GG: My kids are going back to school in a few weeks - I just can't stand the thought of being apart from them - any advice?
signed a loving mom

Dear loving mom: I wouldn't sweat it, you're just going through what many parents do. For instance, I will barely see my kids for the next 18 months because of a prior "engagement" and by the time I'm "back" - I still won't see them since I'll have 18 months of acting like a media whore to catch up on.

Yo GG: Some people say hearing is the first to go as people age - what do you think?
signed need a brain

Dear need a brain: First of all - I try not to think. However, it varies from person to person. Some lose eyesight, some lose hearing, some lose their freedom for 2-10 years for nailing an accused murderer while sitting on the jury. But like I said...it varies.

Ms. GG: I'm a single mom of 2 who scrapes by. I just have enough at the end of each month to pay the bills, and keep the kids healthy - what advice would you give for me to get ahead?
signed single M.

Dear Single M: I too have struggled for years as a single mom. Let me say this first of all, although sacrifices have to be made, knock off brand name clothes and perfumes are NOT the way to go. I find that using generic brand tapes to keep copies of me having sex with local scumbags provides hours of entertainment for the kids - and helps them make solid career choices in the process.

Ms. GG: I just can't find a relationship that leads to "intimacy" - what do you reccomend?
Signed - GG should know right?

Dear GGSN: The following is my top-secret "score" formula
Step 1. Place yourself in an invaluable position of public trust
Step 2. Violate the publics trust
Step 3. Make a mockery of the justice system
Step 4. - that should do it....if you're not screwed now, I don't know what else can help you.
Dear GG: My boyfriend can't decide what to buy me for my birthday - a new VCR or an eight-ball of primo blow.
Signed - Choices choices

Choices: One can never be sure when it comes to matters of the heart - however, one of these gifts carries a heavy legal burder - so make sure you don't duplicate rented tapes!


Dear GG: My husband and I have been having "troubles" in the bedroom - can you help?
Signed - Lonely in Lake Flaccid

Lake Flaccid: One should never JUDGE a man, try helping him any way - and I'm sure you'll find a way to help him get off...as it were


More questions/answers posted as they come in.